August 11, 2014
Personal relationships are important. As humans, we’re hardwired for connectedness and identity with each other. Because we are all just one energetic, spiritual existence, our need to stay close to others is part of our nature, our human character.
With this connectedness and identity come vulnerability and trust. We need each other, we depend on each other. And in the sweet spot where vulnerability and trust overlap, we develop love for each other and then can grow together.
All this can fall down if the boundaries meant to protect our vulnerability give way to trusting unwisely.
We get signals when we’re nearing that giving-way point: the twinges in the pit of the belly after a harsh word or an unexpected hint of disloyalty, intrusive questions, or gossip. When minimized or ignored, those “Boundary Here!” twinges can lead to debilitating wounds, compromising our welfare and putting our well-being at risk. Before we realize it, we’re weakened. We’ve given our power away to the wrong person.
Having no boundaries at all leaves us vulnerable to any possible mistreatment at any time. Building protective walls around our hearts is equally unwise; we’re left insulated and isolated.
Porous boundaries can be a good balance; they help us with those “go/no-go” places in personal relationships where the line between vulnerability and trust can be respected. We can see the “go” part as a pore, a breathing space, a safe opening where we can share, and receive; those “no-go” places are where we get those first twinges, those little warnings that if we proceed, we’re in danger of losing our power.
Well-being is our birthright, part of our Intended existence. Porous boundaries can be a powerful tool for keeping our well-being safe and thriving.